Family Legacy Meeting

We’ve challenged clients, especially in retirement, to consider what they value and how their actions are congruent with their values.  In the Legacy Letter/Ethical Will, rather than talking about distributing your financial assets, you talk about what kind of personal legacy you would like to leave for your children and other important people in your life and what you would want to be remembered for.  It explains to those for whom it was written, what has been important to you and why.  “If I had to do it all over again, what I have made the same choices?”  Many choose to include hopes and dreams for future generations, not to dictate what their choices should be, but rather the moral and ethical principles that they hoped their heirs will follow. You can think of it as a love letter to those you hold close.  

Impart Wisdom- you have lived a long time and learned a lot, so why not bestow your wisdom on those you leave behind? It is a great way to pass along your ideals and guiding principals, to reinforce to those dearest to you what’s in your heart and what you would like for them to remember most about you.

Say the Unsaid-

Foster intergenerational connections

A healthy exercise for you and your family

Today, more and more people are creating a Legacy Letter/Ethical Will to “bequeath” their principles and wisdom to their families.  These documents are precious gifts that can be read and re-read for generations to come.  Rooted in a Jewish custom of early biblical times, they’re not a new idea.   But in this day in age, when families are often disconnected or far-flung, a Legacy Letter/Ethical Will can be a powerful way for clients to define the legacy that they most want to leave behind.  

When might you suggest creating a Legacy Letter/Ethical Will, and how can you approach the task?  

Where to begin?

How do you start an ethical will?  There are no rules for the content, format, size or shape of a Legacy Letter/Ethical Will- it can be whatever the maker wants it to be.  If you have trouble getting started, these questions may help them begin defining the emotional legacy they want to leave.

Below you will find questions that you can use to build your Legacy Letter/Ethical Will.   Pick the areas that are most relevant to you and create your document in a way that reflects your values and what is most important to you.   Enjoy the process.

Topics/Questions

1. Who has influenced you most powerfully in your life? What makes them so influential?
2. What are you proudest of in your life? What are your regrets?
3. What valuable lessons have you learned, and from whom?
4. What values are sacred to you?  Why are they sacred?
5. What do you see as your strongest positive qualities?  Are there flaws you wish you could have overcome, and weaknesses you did master?
6. What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?  How did you do it?
7. Have you ever fought for something you really believed in?  How did it turn out?
8. If you could create the world exactly how you want it, what would it be like?
9. In the twilight of your life, what would you hope your friends say about you as a person?  What about your spouse?  Your children?  Your grandchildren?  How would you want to be remembered in the wider circle of your community and the world?
10. What are your fondest hopes for your children?
11. What are your fondest hopes for your Grandchildren and future generations?
12. What would you like your Children/Grandchildren to remember about you?

Add any personal notes, memories or letters of love to individual family members.

• Communication to all beneficiaries
• Decisions made from grantors or the originators
• Nuances and Options regarding asset distribution
• Roles and help family members understand responsibilities
• That the client is in sound mind as they made all of the decisions on their planning
• Directive choices can be clearly articulated
• Deal with any conflicts or issues while the client is still living
• Who should participate?
• How to manage the final arrangements.

What should be on the agenda?

Family meetings can be held anytime. They do not need to be delayed until someone becomes incapacitated or near death, or held only once and never revisited again. Every situation is different. For example, a family meeting might be held soon after a Living Trust and Will are initially prepared, then years later, circumstances change (e.g., second marriages, changed relationships, investment portfolio changes, etc.) which lead to the desire to have another family meeting.

Depending on your goals and family dynamics, the agenda for the meeting can be diverse or quite concise. Here is a list of some typical agenda items that are often discussed:

• Reason for holding the meeting: Clear communication of your wishes, avoiding conflicts, and addressing other concerns.
• Vision of Family relationships: Maintaining interaction, taking care of each other, and related goals.
• Conveying personal values, morals, and ethics that can affect one’s final wishes
• Opportunity for the executor to explain their perspective on personal, and/or religious beliefs and desires for the family.
• Show the Structure: technical aspects of the estate plan, which is usually explained by the Advisor and/or the Estate Planning Attorney.
• Designations or who is included in the will.
• Designation of Trustee, Executor and agents. Providing the reasoning for these decisions can help avoid ill-will (after your passing) toward the Trustee/Executor from other beneficiaries.
• Types of assets. This is particularly important for estates with a broad array of assets, holdings in different states or countries, assets held in different business names, assets that have been or will be sold soon, and the like.
• Distribution of assets. Many clients prefer to discuss distributions (including spousal, children and charitable, etc.) in order to be specific on their wishes and address any concerns. Discussing the planning with blended families, (second marriages with kids on either side) can help explain flow of asset to avoid any dis-inheritance due to who dies first.
• Requests. This agenda item allows beneficiaries to request sentimental item or other items that are within the client’s parameters.
• Changes prior to passing. A Living Will allows for modifications at any time, so it is often explained that plans can change after a family meeting (especially for asset distribution).
• Directives. This is a sensitive area that is often best explained by the attorney who can communicate the client’s wishes in the event of being unconscious or too ill to communicate.
• Arrangements. Most clients have some idea of what they would like, whether it is simple cremation, or a fully orchestrated evert.

The Ethical Will or Legacy Letter

This is a personal message to your family, sharing your values, life lessons and hopes for the future. We’ve had clients write everything from their life stories to messages of love and guidance for generations to come. It is an emotional gift that can preserve family history, spark deeper conversations and create lasting connection. (We’ve even seen it include a hand-drawn map to where the septic tank cover is buried in the yard!)

The family meeting can be anything you want and need it to be and hopefully this overview will help you set up some guidelines and topics you would like to discuss with your family.

We are here to help you put it all together. We can also bring everyone together for a meeting inside our office or put together a Zoom Meeting for you once the agenda is completed and the participants are selected.